"A good blogger doesn't need flamboyant templates"

Hmmpphh Aku blogger picisan je. Template kena la over,you!~

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Let's box the cat for fun

best viewed in http://redmelati.blogspot.com
Cats can be silly - and that's what makes them cute.

I found this vid after watching one in Yahoo!. And of course, one led to another... But here's my top picks:

The cat who is obsessed with boxes
And thinks that he's small enough to fit in.



The stalking cat
Look carefully, and you'll see how creepy it is.



HILARIOUS!!!

LMAO!

Friday, November 26, 2010

How to Study Effectively

best viewed in http://redmelati.blogspot.com

A friend of mine taught me some tricks on how to learn effectively. The trick has something to do with tuning your brain waves into a relaxing state. And she told me, it really works!

Yea, nice cartoon.
Now, you see, you need A BRAIN to use this method.

What am I saying?


Well, the trick has something to do with entering THE ALPHA STATE before opening up your books to study.


Now, you might want to Google up: "What is Alpha State"


One of the many techniques to enter the Alpha State is to imagine certain numbers while eyes closed and mind not think of anything else (picture them very clearly, not just blurry image in your head), and chant some words of persuading ourselves into relaxation.


So I head off:



3.............."three"

2.............."two"

1.............."one"

Back to 9....... Wait, which 9 should I imagine? 9 the upside-down of 6, or the 9 that I usually write? Ahaaa, interesting fact: 9 in German is "neun" and the way to say it is "noyn". And in French it is called "neuf" as in "nerf", man, French is hard....... WAIT! FOCUS!!!!!

Ok, back to 9.............. "I'm relaxing..."

8.............. "I'm controlling my breathe..."

7........ Aww, why do I picture my own writing on 7? Now it looks like a sword. Wait, no it looks like 1. No, wait, wait.... FOCUS!!!!

7.............."Err, what should I say?"


BLIMEY, THIS IS SOOOOOO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Maybe my brain looks like Homey's:

No way. Just kidding.


Back to the topic. Now, let's see if you can get it right. The method I'm trying to use is actually from this link below:

http://www.mind-energy.net/archives/184-Relaxation-Technique-6-Entering-alpha-state-of-mind-by-yourself.html
The chanting could be anything, up to you. The trick is not to stress yourself up, which I fail with flying colours.




And after some Googles, I found that Alpha State can also be induced using audio. You need to purchase the audios though, search it online. But here's a link of a free online mp3:

http://visualizemeditateheal.com/alpha_state.mp3
But the voice of the man freaks me out, sounds like a rapist trying to hypnotize the victim. Well, maybe I should find a woman's voice instead, later.



And here's some links on meditation, in case you're interested (it is harder, I tell you)

http://www.wethechange.com/how-to-meditate-a-beginners-guide/

http://theconsciouslife.com/how-to-meditate-a-guide-for-beginners.htm



Lastly, just to clear things up, my brain doesn't look like Homey's. According to the mighty internet, it should look like this:

Not like Homey's, it's big!
Why am I so serious?

Sunday, November 14, 2010

How to Concert Rate? I mean, 'CONCENTRATE'!

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It's so hard to concentrate! Not just in study - even when listening to my friends talking, my mind would be half wandering and I'd end up pretending some fake nods. Bullshit! (Now you know why I'm so attentive at listening to you guys. It's because I don't actually listen. Hah!)


And this 3-weeks semester break is taking whatever left in my brain.


I read blogs and when I'm about to comment, I'd have to reread again coz I actually kinda lost of what the posts are about (that's why I don't do bloghopping anymore)

I open Youtube coz I want to watch an Annoying Orange, instead I clicked on fanvids about Tokio Hotel or Kelly Clarkson for hours (Damn the "Recommended for You" column!)

I go to the kitchen to get myself some hot tea, but then I open the fridge and have to wonder for a complete 60 seconds on "why I'm here in the first place?" (lucky my mom don't stock up our fridge with junk food anymore. Otherwise, I'll be reaching them instead)



Is this a sign on Alzheimer's?
Aku dah nak nyanyuk ke???
But my mom said neither she nor my dad got any family history getting Alzheimer's...



Concentrate.... Concentrate....
Might as well do this pose in the toilet. Good for indigestion




Anyway.... Out of boredom, I came across these sites, might help you as well:

http://www.howtodothings.com/education/how-to-concentrate-better

It's kinda helpful, I guess. With that 'tratak', and the yogic technique... and stuff.

http://www.wikihow.com/Concentrate

It ask me to relaz, and free my mind... Well, that sort of thing.



Well, you probably can guess now that I don't actually read them. It's soooo HARDDDD to concentrate reading it. There are too many alphabets. So dizzzyyyyyy.......!!


p/s: Those suffering the same complication as me probably won't read till the end. Or probably skipped all through till the end and only read this footnote. I know I would. And in case you're wondering, I don't even sure what I'm writing - didn't bother to check my writing because that would blank me out!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

7 Fakta menarik Pasal Putrajaya (yang lain dari apa yang korang selalu dengar)



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One day, adalah teman ni bertanya, "Aku nak datang Putrajaya ni. Apa best kat sana haa?"

And I bet ramai orang kat luar sana tu pun nak bertanya benda yang sama.

So, biar aku yang dah duduk sini selama enam tahun ni (bongkak siottt) listkan.



1. Putrajaya 'banyak' bangunan menarik

Bangunan2 sini mempunyai ciri kesenian arkitektural yang memukau. Pengunjung dibenarkan masuk ke setiap bangunan, tapi setakat di lobi je la. Kalau degil jugak nak explore, pegi masuk masjid. Ada 2 masjid pulak tu.


2. Putrajaya banyak tempat maksiat

Tasik-tasik indah, taman-taman permai yang menjadi malap bila malam menjelang. Jika anda duduk berdua, jangkakanlah kedatangan "yang ketiga" (setan la)


3. Bila dah bertiga, pasti ada yang keempat, dan kelima, dan keenam...

Banyak tempat maksiat, banyak juga la pihak JAWI datang berkeliaran. Bagi sesiapa yang datang untuk bermaksiat, untung2 dapat bilik percuma. Hah! Duduk balai la bang!


4. Aku kata belok kiri!


"Belok kiri jika tiada kenderaan", kata papan2 tanda di sini. Siapa yang termasuk lorong kiri walaupun anda nak terus, jangan terasa bila kadang2 orang sini hon. Siapa la yang cipta signboard ni? Diorang hingat satu Malaysia ada jalan besar gadang macam kat sini agaknya...


5. Polis sayang kami


Bagi sesiapa yang trauma dengan polis, rasa2 boleh terberak kalau Tok Misai datang tegur, jangan datang sini. Perompak dan peragut pun jangan datang. Polis sini memang rajin meronda. Mana pergi, ada je batang hidung diorang. Kalau korang berhentikan kereta kat tepi jalan pun kadang2 kena soal siasat (aku selalu kena). Yang paling best, polis sini rajin buka buku. Bukan facebook ye, tapi saman. Kalau korang tak baharukan road tax, pastikan ada RM50 dalam poket, kalau tak, tak pasal2 kena RM180 punya saman (selepas diskaun)



6. Hati-hati kepada penipu

Penipu terbesar di sini bukan manusia, tapi papan tanda. Jangan korang percaya papan tanda kat sini. Perjalanan 5 minit anda akan end up jadi 25 minit sebab sesat or ikut jalan jauh. But then again korang ada choice lain ke? Hahaaaa ikut je la... Daripada sesat terus tak jumpa jalan, baik ikut arahan sang penipu ni kan? But for us, kitorang memang dah masak jalan sini, takde hal la....


7. Di Putrajaya ada sebuah universiti.

Private universiti. Namanya UNITEN; kampus Putrajaya. Padahal terletak di Bangi, atau lebih tepat lagi Jalan Kajang-Puchong. Turut tersenarai dalam senarai universiti2 Cyberjaya. Amboi, tamak sungguh universiti ni. Semua nama tempat pun dia nak bolot.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Petua: Orang Tua Kata "No, Don Du Det!" **

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Orang Melayu memang banyak sangat2 pantang larang. Dibesarkan dalam keluarga Melayu (walaupun my bonda orang Jawa, still, sama la tu!), boleh dikatakan hampir semua pantang-larang kat Tanah Melayu ni aku dapat hafal.

Ini ukiran Orang Tua.
Found in Google.
Isk, meremang bulu roma aku tengok gambar ni!


Not that I believe in any of them pantang2. I mean, first of all, syubahah kalau percaya (or is it syirik?). Contoh pantang: kalau anak dara nyanyi kat dapur, nanti kahwin dengan orang tua. Ngeh. Kalau macam tu, semua anak dara zaman sekarang akan kahwin dengan orang tualah. Sekarang ni kan tengah ada wabak Selesema Bibir (Bieber Fever), sah2 la anak2 gadis sunti bawah umur tu semua ada habit nyanyi kat dapur (walaupun diorang tak masak, cuma masuk dapur untuk cari makan).


Pembawa virus Selesema Bibir
Kalau anak gadis kawin orang tua, boleh salahkan dia
Alamak, aku edit gambar style Perez Hilton la pulak



Ok, cukup la mukadimah aku.


Topik ni aku bangkitkan sebab aku baru langgar DUA pantang-larang. Of all things, mak aku saaaangat la tak kasi aku buat DUA perkara ni, but still aku buat gak:

  1. Potong rambut sendiri (jimat wooo~)
  2. Potong hujung seluar yang dah pernah guna (konon la terer sangat nak alter seluar)

Aku tak taulah ni Melayu punya hal, or Jawa, or Minang, or Bugis ke. Tapi, mengikut pantang, kalau buat salah satu dari dua perkara ni, maknanya orang tu potong limpah rezeki sendiri. Nanti, nasib malang pula yang datang menimpa dia .

Not that I believe in such ridiculous beliefs, but still.... Err....


REZEKI AKU DAH TERPOTONG DAH KE NI?

Mungkin aku patut pergi mandi bunga.

Jom pergi spa!










Isk, apa aku pikir ni? Astaghfirullah al-Azim...


**Orang tua kata: "No, don't do that!"

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Misguided Fish

Read this at my blog. The font there explains better http: // redmelati .blogspot .com
This is a song done by me. Honest, no cheating! And I want to sing this specially for _____ (fill in the blanks with your grandpa's name, just for fun). Also, the footnotes explains everything. Touchy. So touchy...


I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try to follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run from them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just
Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles




Voice: Hey, you didn't write this! Paramore did! Or maybe Hayley, whatever.

Melati: Hey, I said I DID this! I mean, the typing, the copy-and-pasting. I didn't say I compose it. Pfftt.. You've got it wrong dude, not my mistake.



Anyway, today's the 21st. And the day before yesterday was 19th - the Paramore Concert Live in Malaysia **read it with an advert-like voice**.


Dunno how was the concert going, didn't bother to ask anyone or google about it. After all the days of waiting is finally over, I am now feeling relieved.

Coz after this no more facebook status saying "Awww can't wait!!! 3 days more!!!"

No more bragging like "Can't believe my dad's cool about me skipping classes for Paramore"

No more rantings like "Ouch, eating Maggi coz I'm broke. But it's cool, coz I have my Paramore tickets!"


**Yeah, I'm talking about you, braggers!**


Some of the braggers are my friends, sadly. The kind of friends who used to hang out with me, menyibuk2 at my page, or leave a comment/messages, or texting me despite knowing I barely reply them. But recently, none of these people even bother to text me anymore, or call me or even leave a single word in my Facebook anymore (nak ajak tengok wayang apatah lagi) just because I don't have the same tickets. All I have are illegal downloads via Torrent and a single ticket watching me singing Paramore in the toilet.


**Yeah, my eyebag is staring fiercely at you**
Whoever yang terasa macam pernah ketepikan kawan sebab Paramore concert


Well, these people might as well have erased me from their facebook friends list. Or maybe they have completely forgot about me.


Huh? Melly? Sape tu?

Huh, who? Red Muh-Latty?
dah tak gheti nak sebut Red Melati macam orang Melayu pulak dah... Mentang2 dengar konset omputeh!




Right now, you must be thinking that you're cooler than me. You might as well wanna wear this button:
Fine. Whatever. I'm just a humble person who never brags of my kindness and coolness.

Touchy... I'm so touchy this week...

Monday, October 18, 2010

Dari seorang pompuan kepada dua perempuan

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Sayang2ku
Maafkan daku kerana membuatkan kalian ternganga semalam
Terkejut plus takut2 bila daku meradang umpama taufan
yang marah serta jerit2 macam pompuan sawan bila dapat tau laki dia pasang lain
Daku tau hati wanita kalian tersentuh
Maaf, daku tak berniat nak naik syeikh
Mungkin daku terlalu banyak tengok TV3
Membuatkan daku berlagak macam drama queen
Siap tulis ayat2 busuk kat Facebook


Tapi kalian takleh salahkan daku kalo kalian touching
Sebab daku dgn segala hormatnya nak letakkan kesalahan kat pihak2 yang berikut:
  1. Pihak ketiga yang merosakkan dara kekasih-kekasih kalian dan Baby daku
  2. Lecturer yang menyuruh daku karang surat cinta romantik untuknya
  3. Bontot ayam yang bercinta dengan permata daku
  4. Perjalanan hidup daku yang dipenuhi ranjau dan onak duri, umpama drama Indon
  5. Bini daku tinggalkan daku untuk lelaki lain


***Hal sebenar:***
  1. Virus yang crashed komputer/HDD korang dan thumbdrive aku
  2. Project Assignment yang kena hantar tersimpan di dalam thumbdrive aku tu
  3. Ketumbit di mata agak sakit dan merimaskan, membuatkan aku cepat naik angin
  4. Stress pasal final exam je sebenarnya
  5. Roomate (CikBungaRaya) gi keluar study, so bosan takde orang aku boleh kacau2


Ngeh.

So, senang citer, aku ni tak bersalah la kan? So, aku innocent? So aku tak payah mintak maaf la kan????

Logik2! Oh yeah bebeh!~

The culprit
They think they're cooler than me
I'm innocent

.


Tak… Tak… Daku gurau je. Daku mau mintak maaf. Daku bodoh. Daku bangang. Daku semberono (sila buka kamus). Daku emosi. Daku kebudak-budakan.

Wuuuuu……. Daku tengah sedih ni. Nak study pun tak lalu. Teringat muka korang yang terkejut macam kera tersedak chewing gum bila nampak daku tiba2 munculkan muka dengan muka ceria (bila dah figure out camne nak retrieve data tu semua) membuatkan daku loya2 macam sedang berbadan dua. Wuuuuu…… Walaupun korang kata korang cool je, tapi…. Maafkan dakuuuuu!~~~~

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Fun(k) Facts about Stye (ketumbit)

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I have stye on my eye and I feel so special coz nobody else got it~

Having this great buddy making love with my eyelid for several days already really makes me learned a lot. And all these are the never-before-written facts about having a stye:


FunkFact #1
Stye makes your eye looks like chicken’s butt. No, seriously. The swollen flabby-looking eyelid is pinkish, and the eyelashes looks like unplucked feathers from a chicken’s butt sold in night market.

Check out this chic! (I mean, the stye, though it’s not so clear):


This is not the pic of Rihanna. This is Megi Fox, her plastic surgeon mistakenly injected silicon on the eye instead of the lips, that's why she's upset.


FunkFact #2
Everytime you check your uninfected eye in the mirror, you realize: wow, this eye is sooooo pretty! Why didn’t I realize it before? With this eye, I could charm any cool guy out there!” But then you realize that your eye looks so pretty because it’s been compared to the ugly styed-eye. Yeah, sit next to ugly people, and you’ll look prettier. Come, sit next to me, you'll feel so lucky.


FunkFact #3
The slimy thing you collect from your nose-picking (tahi hidung la!) cannot cure your stye. Goose, whoever started this myth must have been a smartass PKR politician – spread brainless rumors but still people believed it. And the idiots who believed this were probably------ err, nevermind, coz I was one of the idiots too when I was a kid. But I you were too, right? You did believed it, right? Right? Ahaa, don’t deny it!


No, mister. Don't pick your nose for my stye. It won't disgustingly work.


FunkFact #4
Pharmacies usually will provide you with creams to fight conjunctival infection (infection on the outer layer of the eyeball), and they will smack you hard if you try to mention: “it’s my eyelid, not my eyeball!”. Truth is, they are unable to give out antibiotics because only certified pharmacist are allowed to do so; And the fact that they only give you shitty creams are because the shop owner is too poor to hire a pharmacist, or the pharmacist are probably slacking off doing the chicken dance elsewhere.

Is this guy a pharmacist?


FunkFact #5
Private clinic charge you RM30++ for stye medicine. If you're broke, like me, there goes 5 times your lunch money. General clinics charge you nothing, but the medicines have the powerful ability to give you no good effect.


FunkFack #6
By going to clinics, you are hereby agreed to be treated as a brainless mammals. Because it is a common practice for a doctor to wisely tell you their default comments setting:

"It seems like you have a -----insert the non-scientific name of the illness here-----".

Wiser doctors will also add this default genius sentences:

“Don’t worry. The ----insert the name again------ won’t kill you”
or this: “does it hurt?”.

Yeah, years in medical school only taught them little things…

Monday, October 4, 2010

Stating the obvious - the adventure of being in a commuter in Malaysia

best viewed in http: // redmelati .blogspot .com
I promised myself that I'm gonna blog about this because I think it's funny. pfft!

[chorus] In case you're a stuck up rich brat that had never been in a public transport before (no with offense), let me tell you:

PUBLIC TRANSPORTS SUCK!

I guess everyone already know that. It's as though they have this kind of plate number:

You know, it's like a common sense in this world that everything which has the word "public" should never be public-friendly. No, seriously. Have you ever experience a public toilet that rubs your arse softly? ** Okeh, bad joke! (-___-") **

But I somehow stupidly forgot this common sense, and rushed to KTM with this favorite phrase in my head: "How bad can it be?" And it was a Friday noon. Peak hour. Well, pardon me, but it's been more than half a year since I last use a public transportation.

And in case you're a tourist or *insert [chorus] here*:

KTM SUCKS!

And yeah, I suffered.

But look at the silver lining. At least I have something to blog about!

Ok, part 1 done. Next time, I continue to what happened next. (talking shit promise again. No, I'm serious. Pinky reddy greeny promise!)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Kepercayaan Melayu: Puyu, untuk halau hantu.

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The only pet that my family have is ONE fish. Ikan puyu, to be exact, or scientifically, it's anabas testudineus (yeah, I just googled. Hey, quite a name he has, testudineus? i hope it's not an obscene word *smirk*)

JFYI, this fella, currently name Babuyu (before this, his name was Amanda, Puyuyu, Miyuu, and... I dunno. He change his name quite a few times) He likes to act cool, and only gets excited when my mom feeds him. But beware if he's startled, coz he will suddenly swim frantically like the world's gonna ends! Like this:

It's so hard to take pic of him when he frantically swim around like this. Thank goodness my phone camera got BestPic features.


And recently, I dunno what he eats that makes him go this way, but he go frantic more frequently nowadays. It's worrying me, since I think there's nothing around that can startled him. But then I realized....



He only go crazy when I'm around him.
He never act this way when it's other people.
Yeah, I'm the source of his shocks.




WTFish????



Am I that oogglay (ugly) that I make him startled everytime I show my face????


Fishy, I'm gonna kill you!!!!


Oh wait. That's a sin! How about this: I'm gonna convince my mom to have a cat in the house, so that when the cat eats him, I can get rid of him without having to have my hands dirty.

Yeah, how about that, you fisho???

And anyway, your name is soooo not cool. I mean, Babuyu??? Are you gay, fish???



p/s: I named him everytime. Serve him right. Hah! And regarding the title, no, puyu tak halau hantu pun. Dialah hantunya kat sini!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

CamWHORE

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No update for weeks, and suddenly I reappear macam diri bagosss sangat. Ngeheeeeee….

So, this morning in Fly.fm (or was it Hitz.fm?) the topic was:

What kind of picture would you put (on Facebook, Twitter, etc) to represent yourself
(The topic was brought up coz one of the DJ got conned on meeting some “hot” chick which turned out that she only hawt coz the camera is superbly taken)

So... my pix (let’s pretend like you guys really eager to know this)

Awwwwww so cute!~


Hmmm...... *Sigh~*

That’s why I never liked updating picture in my Facebook. If the pic suddenly turn out pretty, then I’m a faker. If the pix won’t look nice, I’ll look stupid. My friends will have to threaten to kill me to make me update me pic (actually, what they want was THEIR pic, which happen to be from MY camera and have MY face in it, sadly).

And even if I voluntarily change my proflle pic, my pic usually:
  • Have only HALF or a quarter of my face only, OR
  • My reflection in the mirror in some unknown toilet (no, not during berak), OR
  • Will not be my face, but maybe my toe, or my ring, etc (don’t worry. There never were a pic of my teeth. Haha… *munch munch*), OR
  • My FULL picture making a FOOL of myself (like, maybe, the pic when I pick my nose *ewwww*)

See? I may not be the most honest person in Facebook, but at least I didn’t lie. I’m not a looker (“ugly” is a harsh word ^__^), but hey, I’m not trying to look cool in the net. Yayyy für mich!

But then again, the majority of my Facebook friends are REAL (not just some blokes I met on *cough* YM chatroom *cough*) so nevermind the picx lah. But if I post some HAWT pix on me, rest asssured that they’ll be like “Wehhhhhh sejak bila ko jadi chanteq?” *Sampai hati~*

To prove it, here's my current pic:
Err... I might have tilted the camera a little bit so that I turned nicer. Heheee (-_-")

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Boling Tampin. Boling Seremban ada tak?

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Alang2 semalam Kelab Boling buat 10-pin Bowling Tournament, jadi cerita kita kali ni adalah berkenaan "BOLING".

AMARAN: cerita ini berdasarkan dialog sebenar, dan berunsur 18PB (Untuk tontonan yang pernah main Boling). Sape yang takde basic langsung pasal boling (mungkin anda berasal dari abad ke-18), tak payah baca.

Tersebutlah kisah, di Negeri PutraBerjaya, Istana AlamLandak telah membuka sebuah Pusat Boling untuk rakyat jelata. Maka, setiap sekolah di area tu dengan seronotnya menubuhkan Kelab Boling masing2. Pelajar2nya pula, dengan bataknya, bukan main ramai lagi yang join kelab tu.

Kemudian, pada suatu hari, Cik Dugong datang berenang-renang ke kelas sambil tangannya menayangkan sehelai poster ke Cik Ikan yang juga ahli Kelab Boling.

Perlawanan Boling Tempin


Dan berikut adalah dialog yang berlaku antara CIk Dugong dan CIk Ikan.


Babak #1

Cik Ikan: (tanpa membaca keterangan poster) Kau pergi sendiri? Sekolah tak hantar?
Dugong : Tak la. Gedik gila kalau nak kena hantar. Bukan jauh pun.
Cik Ikan: Gila kedekut sekolah! Jauh kot Tampin tu! Kat Negeri Sembilan kan?

Babak #2 (sambungan)
Cik Ikan: Ooo... Tempin tu nama game... Tempin tu apa?
Dugong: Tenpin sebenarnya. Diorang kadang2 eja camtu.
Cik Ikan: Ooooo... Boling tenpin. Apa beza boling tenpin dengan boling biasa?

Babak #3 (sambungan lagi)
Cik Ikan: La... 10 pin... Apa la diorang ni. Alang2 dah guna BM, tulis la "Boling Sepuluh Pin!"
Dugong: (gelak)
Cik Ikan: Main boling ada guna pin ke? Tak nampak pun korang guna pin!

Waktu ni, Dugong dah tak reti nak cakap apa dah. Rasa tak percaya Cik Ikan sebengap itu, walaupun Cik Ikan sebenarnya ahli kelab boling.

Abang2 cool yang suka main bola boling.

p/s:
.ut utkaw ej ilug niam iter uka, taub helb apA ...ahaH. ut nakI kiC al uka, uat kan ualaK

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Today was a fairytale~

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Hari ni bontot aku jadi besar! Yeeehhhaaaaa!!!!

Kepada pervert yang tetiba otak teringin nak bayangkan bontot aku, sila baling fikiran korang masuk lubang jamban tempat korang selalu letak bontot nak berak, okeh! Aku maksudkan "kembang punggung", yang bermaksud "berbangga". Jangan tanya aku kenapa perkataan ni wujud! Sila Google. Sure tak jumpa, sebab aku dah try. Hahahaa.... Btw, perkataan ni selalu ditutur oleh orang2 yang dah nak tua. (Hah, ada yang tiba2 rasa macam "eh, aku selalu cakap macam tu..." ke? Hahahaha korang dah nak tua!)

Ok, mukadimah sangat panjang.

So sebab apa aku rasa berbangga? Sebab hari ni ada orang confess perasaan dia kat aku!

Woooottttt!~ Bangga siot!!!!

Hehe... Ayat bikin gempak je. No, bukan confess cintan la, der. Jangan risau... Semua jantan yang mengenali aku masih waras lagi.

Anyway, punya la panjang lebar mukadimah + kata-kata aluan aku, cerita sebenarnya... Tadi ada la member aku ni. Punya la selama ni menyepi, kerek kat aku siot... Komen kat wall fesbuk pon, balas macam tak ikhlas je *touching! sob! sob!* Tadi, bleh plak dia ngaku yang dia stalker blog aku ni. Cewah! Dia la yang suruh aku hapdet blog ni. Peeeeeewwwit! Aku rasa terharu, aku macam nak nangis.

*Sob! Sob!*

Time kasih la kat Cik Adik Manis (Heh! Padahal lagi tua dari aku!) kerana menjadi stalker aku selama ni. Entah betul ke tak ko baca blog aku, aku dulik apa! Yang penting, untuk sementara ni ko berjaya buatkan aku rasa cam seorang blogger yang feymes. Ala2 hot hot stuff gitu, noks!~ Awww!~

Kepada Cik Adik Manis, kalau ko baca post ni, ko suruh la Cik Adik Comel dan Cik Adik Menawan tu baca sama. Hehe... Kepada Cik Adik Menawan, sory2 sebab tak kenal ko tadi. Aku nye RAM ni dah la model lama, memory pon 256MB je...

p/s: Nama di atas sekadar tanda mesra je. Janganla marah... Kalau nak marah, salahkan Cik Adik Manis. Nak sangat suruh aku hapdet. Hahahahahahah!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Abang, Jangan tinggalkan Esah banggggg...~

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Petang semalam, tengah aku nak bayar kat satu kedai magazine kat Alamanda, satu kejadian tak diingini berlaku.

Ada budak potong barisan!

Haha... Dramatik sungguh.
NO
, itu bukan kisahnya! (-_-") Aku tak kisah pun budak yang potong tu, sebab aku baik. Apatah lagi, budak tu usia cam 5 tahun gitu. Tak boleh la aku berdrama buat-buat marah...lepas tu main jeling2 mata...pastu saling terpikat...kemudian bertukar nombor...then calling2... Ya, aku pernah buat macam tu. Hehaaa... Nampak muka aku macam muke innocent je, macam Makcik Cleaner pon ada. Mesti korang tak sangka kan?

Tak caya, tengoklah gambar bukti taktik cinta aku berjaya:

Aksi terlampau aku dengan Abang Panda



Sorry, out of topic!

Bebalik kepada cerita, budak tu bawak dua paket mainan, lepas tu suruh papa dia bayarkan. Papa dia, cuba menjadi bapa mithali,menarik mainan tersebut lalu berkata "Tidak, anakku. Membazir itu amalan syaitan! Belilah kamu sebuah buku ilmuan, supaya kelak kamu akan jadi pintar..." (Perkara sebenar: Bapak dia kata "Ala sayang... Beli satu cukup la...". Mungkin sedang berfikir 'ni mesti ikut genetik mak dia, tau nak sapu aku je!')

Dan tiba-tiba........









*drum rolling*
*biar suspens sikit*








Anak dia tersungkur! Betul2 kat kaki bapak dia. Kemudian, tak semena-mena...












*drum rolling lagi...*
*suspens ni!*








"Papa!!!! Nak dua menan! Nak dua menan! Please, papaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Belikan dua menaaaaan!!!!" laung si anak, merengek2 sambil memeluk kaki bapanya. Esakannya kuat tatkala meminta belas ikhsan bapanya (walaupun aku tak nampak pulak air mata dia). Bapanya menarik kaki, pandang2 orang sekeliling sambil senyum sumbing. Malulah tu! Lantas, mainan yang ditarik dari anaknya tadi diserahkan kembali kepada Mamak kaunter dan berkata "Errr... Saya beli dua-dua ni la..." (dengan tak rela hati).

Sekelip mata, si anak terus bangun, sapu2 badan, dan tersengih bahagia. Selamba je buat muka tak bersalah.
(Si Mamak pun turut tersengih, sebab dia yang untung!)


Siyes, ini mesti pengaruh dari TV. Selalu sangat duduk ngan Mama/Bibiknya tengok drama Melayu yang nangis2 tu, siap ikut cara para bini merayu laki diorang.


~ ~ Abang... Jangan tinggalkan Esah, bang... *sob sob* ~ ~


Budak tu memang berbakat! Bapak dia patut hantar anak dia pergi audition! Boleh bayar balik duit dua menan tu! Hahahaha

Monday, July 5, 2010

Awesome signboard

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When there is a sign in the park saying "Do not walk on grass", it's always more tempting to break the rules and get a little steppie on the green carpet.

Why? Because they say you couldn't! Just out of curiosity, or a cute rebellion. And when the guards/garderner caught you, you can always say:

"I don't walk! I just step on it!

Those park suppose to have this kind of signs, and it would look more awesome!:


Sekarang, apa lagi kau nak kata?

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Teka-teki Cikgu Murni

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**Aku tak tau la story ni dah berapa tahun usianya, tapi dalam 21 tahun usia aku, aku baru first time baca. Dan habis aku tergelak geli-geli hati all the way, sebab.................... Oh well, kalo korang baca, korang tahu la sebabnya! Selamat membaca, dan selamat bergelak geli-geli hati!**

Seorang guru, Cikgu Murni (Umur: 22) menghadapi masalah dengan salah seorang muridnya (Abu). Lalu guru ini bertanya kepada murid tersebut :

"Apa sebenarnya masalah awak, Abu?"

Lalu Abu menjawab, "Saya terlalu cerdik untuk berada di darjah 4,kakak saya menduduki UPSR dan saya lebih cerdik dari dia, maka saya seharusnya berada di tempat yang sama juga!". Cikgu Murni dah tak tertahan. Dia bawa Abu ke pejabat pengetua. Sementara Abu menunggu di ruang tamu, Cikgu Murni terangkan keadaan tersebut kepada pengetua. Pengetua mengatakan yang dia akan berikan ujian kepada Abu dan jika Abu gagal menjawab, maka Abu harus kekal di darjah 3 dan berkelakuan baik. Abu dibawa masuk ke pejabat Pengetua dan Cikgu Murni terangkan pada Abu dan Abu bersetuju untuk ambil ujian yang akan diberikan.

Pengetua: Apa 3 x 3?

Abu: 9

Pengetua: Apa 6 x 6?

Abu: 36

Pengetua terus bertanyakan soalan2 berdasarkan tahap pencapaian murid2 UPSR dan si Abu mampu menjawab tiap soalan yang diberikan. Lalu pengetua memandang Cikgu Murni dan berkata, "Saya rasa murid ini sepatutnya berada di darjah 6", Lalu Cikgu Murni berkata pada pengetua, "Saya ada soalan saya sendiri, boleh tak saya ajukan pada Abu?". Pengetua dan Abu bersetuju.

Cikgu Murni: Apa yang lembu ada 4 di badan, tapi saya cuma ada dua?

Abu: (berfikir) Kaki

Cikgu Murni: Apa yang ada di dalam seluar kamu tapi tidak pada seluar saya?

Abu: Saku

Cikgu Murni: Apa yang bermula dengan huruf "K" akhir dengan "A", ianya berbulu, berbentuk oval, nyaman dan mengandungi lapisan nipis keputihan?

Abu: Kelapa

Cikgu Murni: Apakah yang masuk keras dan berwarna "pink", bila keluar lembik dan melekit

Mata Pengetua terbuka luas dan sebelum sempat dia menahan, si Abuterus menjawab.

Abu: Gula-gula getah (Bubblegum)

Cikgu Murni: Apa yang mereka lakukan, lelaki secara berdiri, wanita secara duduk dan anjing secara tiga kaki?

Mata Pengetua sekali lagi terbuka sangat2 luas dan sebelum dia sempat hendak menahan si Abu terus menjawab.

Abu: Bersalaman

Cikgu Murni: Baik, sekarang saya akan ajukan soalan berbentuk siapakah saya, okay?

Abu: Baik Cikgu

Cikgu Murni: Awak memasukkan batang kedalam saya. Awak ikat saya untuk saya berdiri. Saya kebasahan sebelum awak.

Pengetua kelihatan resah dengan soalan yang diajukan oleh Cikgu Murni.

Abu: Khemah

Cikgu Murni: Jari memasuki saya. Awak menggesel-gesel saya bila awak teringatkan saya. Lelaki idaman akan mendapat saya dahulu.

Pengetua semakin resah dan tidak selesa. Lantas terus meneguk segelas Nescafe 3in1.

Abu: Cincin perkahwinan

Cikgu Murni: Saya ada bermacam-macam saiz. Bila saya sakit saya akan meleleh. Bila saya keluar, banyak tisu yang akan digunakan. Bila awak hembuskan saya, akan berasa lega. Sekali lagi pengetua rasa amat resah dengan soalan yang di ajukan oleh Cikgu Murni dan ingin membantah, tapi si Abu mendahuluinya.

Abu: Hidung

Cikgu Murni: Saya batang yang keras. Hujungnya tajam. Saya akan datang dan masuk dengan lajunya.

Abu: Anak panah

Cikgu Murni: Sekarang saya akan ajukan soalan dalam Bahasa Inggeris, okay?

Abu: Okay

Cikgu Murni: What word starts with a 'F' and end in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Abu: Firetruck

Cikgu Murni: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you dont get it you have to use your hand.

Abu: Fork

Cikgu Murni: What is it that all men have one of. It's longer on some men than on others, the pope does not use his, and a man gives it to his wife after they are married?

Abu: Surname

Cikgu Murni: What part of the man has no bones but has muscles, lots of veins and loves pumping?

Abu: Heart

Pengetua menghembuskan nafas kelegaan bila mendengar jawapan yang diberikan oleh si Abu, lantas berkata "Baik hantar murid ini ke Universiti Malaya; jawapan yang saya fikirkan semuanya salah".

P/s: Jika jawapan anda semua salah, anda adalah sama spesies dengan pengetua yang mempunyai pemikiran kuning.....hehehe

P/s2: Aku baca story ni, aku tergelak sebab: Aku jawab sama dengan Abu, okay! Otak aku sesuci kain putih lampin bayi sebelum digunakan tu, tau! (^^,)V

Friday, June 4, 2010

What a sorry ass...!

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"Sorry ass" - I mean, literally. I feel sorry for myself for having such a sorry ass buttocks. Ooops! *covering my back*

But rhetorically, it's more about this dimwit with a bunch of pitiful dilemma. What a dickhead! But wait - this person is a she, barely have a dick to start with! Okay, I drop that D word! *DROP!*
(Haha... This is one of the dilemma for us Malaysians - we learn English through movies and TV series, and end up picking up the degraded version of the language!)

Anyways~

Like a broken record, I keep promise myself that I will update my blog more often, despite the fact that my blog barely have daily unique numbers (ha-ha... say whatever~). And still, this blog is stranded long enough that I almost forgot that I have one (memang memalukan!)

Well, it's all lies on the attitude. I, like all of you (I mean almost) am full of ideas, but lack of commitment. We got good brains, given by God Almighty, but we barely use it because of the negativity in us. It's like a drug - once you let the negativity consume you, you'll get addicted to it!

If you read this lyric, you'll feel stricken in the heart. READ IT, listen to it, and FEEL IT! It's a not-so-old song, by Kelly Clarkson - Addicted
(dunno if you still remember it. But have you ever really listen to the lyric? I know I didn't, until just recently)





It's like you're a drug

It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything, nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, n my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix, I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix, I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything, nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, n my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Peraturan jalan raya pada abad ke 21.

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Zaman maju sekarang ni, semuanya dah berubah. Even peraturan jalan pun dah lain skang. Peraturan baru ni tak termaktub kat buku. Kalau korang tanya JPJ pon, diorang tak tau. Tapi, semua rakyat Malaysia yang lain tau peraturan ni. Mungkin ini la yang dinamakan Indie Road Law (korang ingat band je yang main Indie2 ni?)

Jadi, pastikan korang hafal benda ni baik2 supaya korang pun turut jadi macam orang lain. Baru la cool.


Lane tengah:

Laluan untuk pemandu perlahan atau sederhana laju. Juga sebagai laluan lori dan bas.
*Anda akan sakit jiwa kalau cuba bawak laju di lane ini*

Lane kiri (yang pertama):
Laluan untuk kereta yang bawak kurang dari 60km/j (Sabar itu separuh daripada iman...). Juga laluan untuk kenderaan berat iaitu lori besar gadang. Tidak dilupa, berfungsi sebagai laluan memotong versi baru.
*Kalau korang nak bawak laju, tapi kurang dari 140km/j, memotonglah di laluan ini*

Lane kanan (yang ketiga):

Laluan khas untuk orang nak berak. (Yang bawak laju nak mati. Mungkin mereka tak sabar sebab tak tahan nak berak)
*Lane ini mengamalkan sikap pandu CEPAT, JIWA selamat. Kalau korang setakat bawak 120 je kat sini, korang akan diajak berdisko oleh orang belakang. Tak caya? Cuba try. Mesti orang belakang main2 lampu, ataupun hon2 kat korang. Kan meriah tu...*

Laluan kecemasan:
Tempat Abe Lori parking lori besar gadang diorang sementara nak kencing atau makan nasi lemak. Juga untuk korang main potong2 waktu jammed musim raya. Tak pun tempat untuk korang lepak2 sambil tengok DVD Korea kat TV kecik kereta korang.
*Ambulans jangan sibuk kat laluan ni, okeh! Kitorang busy okeh!*

Garisan pembahagi jalan (yang putih putus2):
Laluan khas untuk para penunggang main zig zag. Dengan seronok diorang menyelit kat laluan ni untuk mengelakkan traffic jam, atau sekadar untuk kekwat ngan kereta lain sebab motor kurus, kereta gemuk.
*Sape berani langgar motor yang tengah happy bermain di sini akan dapat maki hamun percuma + bayar ganti rugi motor diorang. Maklumlah, jalan ni kan bapak diorang yang punya...*

Friday, May 21, 2010

Spoiler Alert! Shrek Forever After. Rooooaaaarrrrr!!!!!!

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I watched Shreak 4 yesterday. In 3D! Wohooooooooooo!!!!

3D animation is soooo amazing! The pictures look as though they are floating in the air, and sometimes they look as if they are coming out off the screen! Awesome! RM16 (including surcharges) is sooooo worth it, although the glasses looks like lady Gaga's (eeewww!) but the quality of the shots are sooooo captivating! I wanna get myself a 3D TV!!!!!!

So, anyone wanna sponsor me a 3D TV? Coz the 3D tv are soOoo expensive!
Anyone???

(Ye... Aku memang batak, sebab first time tengok cerita 3D. Hahahha... Macam panda masuk Malaysia!)

Anywayzzz...!~

The movie was awesome! I don't know if it's because I watched it in 3D or because I watched it with a bunch of goofy friends (opps!) but the movie surely got thumbs up from me. Yayyyyy!!!!!!

I mean, who could have thought a fairy tale movie could have such a twist? You gave out only ONE single day of your life to get a day of your dream, but turn out that THAT one single day you lost HAS CHANGED THE WORLD!!!

Well, that's what happen to Shrek. Like ALL HUSBANDS in the world , eventually the idea of marriage and family starts to feel like a pain in the buttocks, and all he could ever dreamt of ever since is a day that he could feel like a bachelor again (Guys, trust me. You'll be like this too. Just wait! Haha...).

So Shrek made a reckless contract with a wizard - he will get his "one day off" if he is willing to give up the day when he was born. Ok, sounds complicated, but... whatever! Go watch the movie and you'll know!

But instead of getting to enjoy his life being an ogre again (JFYI, after marrying Fiona, he's not the same ogre anymore. He's more like an oggy - not as terrifying no more), he found himself dumped into a huge chaos, where the fairy tale country doesn't feel happily magical anymore.




.....and Fiona has never been saved by her one true love... And she became a leader of an Ogre Resistance. Wow! She's tough!








......and donkey - well, he still talks and sings too much, but he never knew Shrek! And he never got married to the HUGE dragon and never got those tiny donkdragons (I mean, seriously! How can a donkey get together with a dragon? How do they... I mean, got intimate? o_0)





......and Puss in Boots has lost his awesomeness, and got waayyy tooo fat and tooo cuddly, and he's got ribbon in his furry neck! Awww cute!!! But don't worry, he still have his kitten-eyes charm. AWWWWWWW I WANT TO HUG HIM!!!!







And Cookie (is it the right name?) is... errr... still a biscuit, except that he has a weapon now. A lollipop! Oooouuu scary!~



And so, like any other fairy tale, a ONE TRUE LOVE kiss is needed for the spell to be broken. But, in this case, the one needed to have one true kiss is the GUY! Shrek! Hahahaaaa... That is soooo wrong! ^o^

Ok, enough spoiler. Cakap banyak tak guna, lu pegi tengok sendiri. But overall, I love the twist, love the plot, love the intro, and totally in love with the jokes! But there are a few minutes of boredom in the middle though. But don't worry, it was only for a few short minutes.

Hence, I give the movie 4 stars!!!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Pissed in peace

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This post is not meant to be racist. But it may sound a little disturbing for those who makan cili. (I meant to say "siapa makan cili, dia terasa pedasnya" lol.)

I got a call about a job I was applying online. The caller (a Chinese lady) would like to tell me that I got shortlisted, and that she and I need to meet up. And one statement stunned me:

"Are you a typical Malay girl?"

I was too confused to be pissed, so I asked, "What do you mean by "typical Malay"?

She answered, "you know, with tudung, and big clothes, very quiet one..."

Just so you know, the way she said it sounds insulting. As if wearing tudung and tutup aurat is something very embarrassing. And, 'quiet'??? But still, I acted cool. "Yeah. I'm THAT kind of girl, except for the 'quiet' part. Sorry about that." (Hey, of course I'm not apologizing for tutup aurat. I was just being cynical!)

Probably sensing I felt insulted, she topped: "Sorry. But, you know. I'm just worried that you might not know how to speak English. You know, typically Malay girl don't know how to speak English, and this job requires you to speak English a lot..."

Ok. Insulting much! Just so you know, before these statements went up, I spoke to her totally in English. And she didn't seem to not understand what I said at all (if she didn't understand, she'd be like "what did you say?", right?) Not to brag or anything, but my spoken English is totally fine! Of course, not perfect, but still...!

And on the contrary, her English sounds too Chinese, making it hard for me to understand her speaking! She got to set her tongue straight first, before judging other people's!!!!

And, anyway... What do typical Chinese and typical Indian suppose to look like? And don't say typical Sabahan only wear their Kaamatan clothes, coz that is sooo wrong!