Petua: Orang Tua Kata "No, Don Du Det!" **

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Orang Melayu memang banyak sangat2 pantang larang. Dibesarkan dalam keluarga Melayu (walaupun my bonda orang Jawa, still, sama la tu!), boleh dikatakan hampir semua pantang-larang kat Tanah Melayu ni aku dapat hafal.

Ini ukiran Orang Tua.
Found in Google.
Isk, meremang bulu roma aku tengok gambar ni!

Not that I believe in any of them pantang2. I mean, first of all, syubahah kalau percaya (or is it syirik?). Contoh pantang: kalau anak dara nyanyi kat dapur, nanti kahwin dengan orang tua. Ngeh. Kalau macam tu, semua anak dara zaman sekarang akan kahwin dengan orang tualah. Sekarang ni kan tengah ada wabak Selesema Bibir (Bieber Fever), sah2 la anak2 gadis sunti bawah umur tu semua ada habit nyanyi kat dapur (walaupun diorang tak masak, cuma masuk dapur untuk cari makan).

Pembawa virus Selesema Bibir
Kalau anak gadis kawin orang tua, boleh salahkan dia
Alamak, aku edit gambar style Perez Hilton la pulak

Ok, cukup la mukadimah aku.

Topik ni aku bangkitkan sebab aku baru langgar DUA pantang-larang. Of all things, mak aku saaaangat la tak kasi aku buat DUA perkara ni, but still aku buat gak:

1. Potong rambut sendiri (jimat wooo~)
   
2. Potong hujung seluar yang dah pernah guna (konon la terer sangat nak alter seluar)

Aku tak taulah ni Melayu punya hal, or Jawa, or Minang, or Bugis ke. Tapi, mengikut pantang, kalau buat salah satu dari dua perkara ni, maknanya orang tu potong limpah rezeki sendiri. Nanti, nasib malang pula yang datang menimpa dia .

Not that I believe in such ridiculous beliefs, but still.... Err....

REZEKI AKU DAH TERPOTONG DAH KE NI?

Mungkin aku patut pergi mandi bunga.

Jom pergi spa!

Isk, apa aku pikir ni? Astaghfirullah al-Azim...

**Orang tua kata: "No, don't do that!"

Misguided Fish

Read this at my blog. The font there explains better http: // redmelati .blogspot .com

This is a song done by me. Honest, no cheating! And I want to sing this specially for _____ (fill in the blanks with your grandpa's name, just for fun). Also, the footnotes explains everything. Touchy. So touchy...

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try to follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run from them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just
Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles

Voice: Hey, you didn't write this! Paramore did! Or maybe Hayley, whatever.

Melati: Hey, I said I DID this! I mean, the typing, the copy-and-pasting. I didn't say I compose it. Pfftt.. You've got it wrong dude, not my mistake.



Anyway, today's the 21st. And the day before yesterday was 19th - the Paramore Concert Live in Malaysia **read it with an advert-like voice**.


Dunno how was the concert going, didn't bother to ask anyone or google about it. After all the days of waiting is finally over, I am now feeling relieved.

Coz after this no more facebook status saying "Awww can't wait!!! 3 days more!!!"

No more bragging like "Can't believe my dad's cool about me skipping classes for Paramore"

No more rantings like "Ouch, eating Maggi coz I'm broke. But it's cool, coz I have my Paramore tickets!"

**Yeah, I'm talking about you, braggers!**

Some of the braggers are my friends, sadly. The kind of friends who used to hang out with me, menyibuk2 at my page, or leave a comment/messages, or texting me despite knowing I barely reply them. But recently, none of these people even bother to text me anymore, or call me or even leave a single word in my Facebook anymore (nak ajak tengok wayang apatah lagi) just because I don't have the same tickets. All I have are illegal downloads via Torrent and a single ticket watching me singing Paramore in the toilet.

**Yeah, my eyebag is staring fiercely at you**
Whoever yang terasa macam pernah ketepikan kawan sebab Paramore concert

Well, these people might as well have erased me from their facebook friends list. Or maybe they have completely forgot about me.

Huh? Melly? Sape tu?

Huh, who? Red Muh-Latty?

dah tak gheti nak sebut Red Melati macam orang Melayu pulak dah... Mentang2 dengar konset omputeh!

Right now, you must be thinking that you're cooler than me. You might as well wanna wear this button:
Fine. Whatever. I'm just a humble person who never brags of my kindness and coolness.

Touchy... I'm so touchy this week...

Dari seorang pompuan kepada dua perempuan

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Sayang2ku
Maafkan daku kerana membuatkan kalian ternganga semalam
Terkejut plus takut2 bila daku meradang umpama taufan
yang marah serta jerit2 macam pompuan sawan bila dapat tau laki dia pasang lain
Daku tau hati wanita kalian tersentuh
Maaf, daku tak berniat nak naik syeikh
Mungkin daku terlalu banyak tengok TV3
Membuatkan daku berlagak macam drama queen
Siap tulis ayat2 busuk kat Facebook

Tapi kalian takleh salahkan daku kalo kalian touching
Sebab daku dgn segala hormatnya nak letakkan kesalahan kat pihak2 yang berikut:

1. Pihak ketiga yang merosakkan dara kekasih-kekasih kalian dan Baby daku
2. Lecturer yang menyuruh daku karang surat cinta romantik untuknya
3. Bontot ayam yang bercinta dengan permata daku
4. Perjalanan hidup daku yang dipenuhi ranjau dan onak duri, umpama drama Indon
5. Bini daku tinggalkan daku untuk lelaki lain

***Hal sebenar:***

1. Virus yang crashed komputer/HDD korang dan thumbdrive aku
2. Project Assignment yang kena hantar tersimpan di dalam thumbdrive aku tu
3. Ketumbit di mata agak sakit dan merimaskan, membuatkan aku cepat naik angin
   
4. Stress pasal final exam je sebenarnya
5. Roomate (CikBungaRaya) gi keluar study, so bosan takde orang aku boleh kacau2

Ngeh.

So, senang citer, aku ni tak bersalah la kan? So, aku innocent? So aku tak payah mintak maaf la kan????

Logik2! Oh yeah bebeh!~

The culprit
They think they're cooler than me
I'm innocent

.


Tak… Tak… Daku gurau je. Daku mau mintak maaf. Daku bodoh. Daku bangang. Daku semberono (sila buka kamus). Daku emosi. Daku kebudak-budakan.

Wuuuuu……. Daku tengah sedih ni. Nak study pun tak lalu. Teringat muka korang yang terkejut macam kera tersedak chewing gum bila nampak daku tiba2 munculkan muka dengan muka ceria (bila dah figure out camne nak retrieve data tu semua) membuatkan daku loya2 macam sedang berbadan dua. Wuuuuu…… Walaupun korang kata korang cool je, tapi…. Maafkan dakuuuuu!~~~~

Fun(k) Facts about Stye (ketumbit)

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I have stye on my eye and I feel so special coz nobody else got it~

Having this great buddy making love with my eyelid for several days already really makes me learned a lot. And all these are the never-before-written facts about having a stye:

FunkFact #1

Stye makes your eye looks like chicken’s butt. No, seriously. The swollen flabby-looking eyelid is pinkish, and the eyelashes looks like unplucked feathers from a chicken’s butt sold in night market.

Check out this chic! (I mean, the stye, though it’s not so clear):

This is not the pic of Rihanna. This is Megi Fox, her plastic surgeon mistakenly injected silicon on the eye instead of the lips, that's why she's upset.

FunkFact #2

Everytime you check your uninfected eye in the mirror, you realize: “wow, this eye is sooooo pretty! Why didn’t I realize it before? With this eye, I could charm any cool guy out there!” But then you realize that your eye looks so pretty because it’s been compared to the ugly styed-eye. Yeah, sit next to ugly people, and you’ll look prettier. Come, sit next to me, you'll feel so lucky.

FunkFact #3

The slimy thing you collect from your nose-picking (tahi hidung la!) cannot cure your stye. Goose, whoever started this myth must have been a smartass PKR politician – spread brainless rumors but still people believed it. And the idiots who believed this were probably------ err, nevermind, coz I was one of the idiots too when I was a kid. But I you were too, right? You did believed it, right? Right? Ahaa, don’t deny it!

No, mister. Don't pick your nose for my stye. It won't disgustingly work.

FunkFact #4

Pharmacies usually will provide you with creams to fight conjunctival infection (infection on the outer layer of the eyeball), and they will smack you hard if you try to mention: “it’s my eyelid, not my eyeball!”. Truth is, they are unable to give out antibiotics because only certified pharmacist are allowed to do so; And the fact that they only give you shitty creams are because the shop owner is too poor to hire a pharmacist, or the pharmacist are probably slacking off doing the chicken dance elsewhere.

Is this guy a pharmacist?

FunkFact #5

Private clinic charge you RM30++ for stye medicine. If you're broke, like me, there goes 5 times your lunch money. General clinics charge you nothing, but the medicines have the powerful ability to give you no good effect.

FunkFack #6

By going to clinics, you are hereby agreed to be treated as a brainless mammals. Because it is a common practice for a doctor to wisely tell you their default comments setting:

"It seems like you have a -----insert the non-scientific name of the illness here-----".

Wiser doctors will also add this default genius sentences:

“Don’t worry. The ----insert the name again------ won’t kill you”
or this: “does it hurt?”.

Yeah, years in medical school only taught them little things…

Stating the obvious - the adventure of being in a commuter in Malaysia

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I promised myself that I'm gonna blog about this because I think it's funny. pfft!

[chorus] In case you're a stuck up rich brat that had never been in a public transport before (no with offense), let me tell you:

PUBLIC TRANSPORTS SUCK!

I guess everyone already know that. It's as though they have this kind of plate number:

You know, it's like a common sense in this world that everything which has the word "public" should never be public-friendly. No, seriously. Have you ever experience a public toilet that rubs your arse softly? ** Okeh, bad joke! (-___-") **

But I somehow stupidly forgot this common sense, and rushed to KTM with this favorite phrase in my head: "How bad can it be?" And it was a Friday noon. Peak hour. Well, pardon me, but it's been more than half a year since I last use a public transportation.

And in case you're a tourist or *insert [chorus] here*:

KTM SUCKS!

And yeah, I suffered.

But look at the silver lining. At least I have something to blog about!

Ok, part 1 done. Next time, I continue to what happened next. (talking shit promise again. No, I'm serious. Pinky reddy greeny promise!)

Kepercayaan Melayu: Puyu, untuk halau hantu.

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The only pet that my family have is ONE fish. Ikan puyu, to be exact, or scientifically, it's anabas testudineus (yeah, I just googled. Hey, quite a name he has, testudineus? i hope it's not an obscene word *smirk*)

JFYI, this fella, currently name Babuyu (before this, his name was Amanda, Puyuyu, Miyuu, and... I dunno. He change his name quite a few times) He likes to act cool, and only gets excited when my mom feeds him. But beware if he's startled, coz he will suddenly swim frantically like the world's gonna ends! Like this:

It's so hard to take pic of him when he frantically swim around like this. Thank goodness my phone camera got BestPic features.

And recently, I dunno what he eats that makes him go this way, but he go frantic more frequently nowadays. It's worrying me, since I think there's nothing around that can startled him. But then I realized....

He only go crazy when I'm around him.
He never act this way when it's other people.
Yeah, I'm the source of his shocks.

WTFish????

Am I that oogglay (ugly) that I make him startled everytime I show my face????

Fishy, I'm gonna kill you!!!!

Oh wait. That's a sin! How about this: I'm gonna convince my mom to have a cat in the house, so that when the cat eats him, I can get rid of him without having to have my hands dirty.

Yeah, how about that, you fisho???

And anyway, your name is soooo not cool. I mean, Babuyu??? Are you gay, fish???

p/s: I named him everytime. Serve him right. Hah! And regarding the title, no, puyu tak halau hantu pun. Dialah hantunya kat sini!