PENGUMUMAN PENTING!

Secara rasminya Cik Melati mengumumkan bahawa laman blog ini telah pun bertukar lokasi ke sawang dunia lebar dan dinaikkan pangkat jadi bos. Dah tak lagi di bawah gagasan Tuan Tompokblog, dan kini Cik Melati dah ada alamat ofis sendiri. Yay!

www.redmelati.com

Hebatkan nama website ni?

Apa lagi, singgah2 la ye. Mana tau berkenan di hati.

Macam mana nak buka blocked website? Guna la anonymous proxy~

Cik Melati selalu dapat pertanyaan ni: "Macam mana nak buka blocked website?" 

Padan muka akulah. Siapa suruh gi hebahkan satu Malaysia yang aku masih selalu download file dari PirateBay dan FilesTube lagi. Dah semua orang attack aku soalan yang sama.

Jawapannya, aku guna anonymous proxy.

Banyak sebenarnya website yang tawarkan service anonymous proxy. Tapi yang paling aku suka:

1) UtopianPal.com

2) HideMyAss.com

Kalau tak puas hati dengan dua site ni, Google la "anonymous proxy". Ada banyak list kat internet. Korang guna la dan download sampai pengsan! 

* *  LOVIN' THE INTERNET~   * *

Cara nak guna:

First, korang masuk laman web tu dan taip website yang korang nak kat address bar yang disediakan.

Korang akan dapati yang korang dah pun boleh bukak blocked website tu. Tapi hakikatnya, korang buka blocked website tu melalui anonymous proxy nye website tu. See the header. 

Oh, sebelum korang cuba, nak kena bagi amaran sikit. Since service ni free, of course la ada keburukannya:

1. Website2 ni biasanya suka buat pop-up ads. Dan website yang korang berjaya bukak tu pun ada iklan (sila klik figure kedua tu utk besarkan gambar). So sangat la annoying. So pastikan korang ada kesabaran yang tinggi. 

2. Since ada pop-up ads, so mungkin ada la aktiviti2 spamming dan kemasukan bakteria internet (a.k.a. virus) menerjah ke komputer korang. So, pastikan korang ada kesabaran yg tinggi dan ada antivirus yg bagus (but then again, website2 download ni kan memang selalunya banyak virus pun, walaupun tak guna anonymous proxy)

3. Kegiatan ini illegal. Yalah, ada kaitan dengan plagiarism dan cetak rompak kan... Lagipun, rasanya guna proxy luar ni salah di sisi undang2 (sepatutnya la. Tapi kita kan peduli apa. Kita kat Malaysia, bukan kat Amerika. Rakyat takkan ditangkap kalau download illegally. Lagipun semua orang buat. Takkan dia nak tangkap berapa juta rakyat Malaysia ni? hahahaha)

-----------------------------

So, sekarang korang dah tahu, so apa lagi, shuh shuh! Gi download sampai pengsan!

Kek Cik Melati

Jangan terkejut ye adik2. Cik Melati sekarang dah pandai main jual-jual kek! Huahahahaaaa Dah setapak ke hadapan!

KEK LAPIS ASAM MANIS

Rajah 1

Pek 4'' x 7" =  RM10.00

Pek 7" x 7" = RM16

Tester (saiz sushi pek) = RM0.80 (harga promosi!) 


Untuk tempahan, boleh contact Cik Melati:
010-4249778 (Mel)

Kami terima tempahan raya & tempahan sebelum/lepas raya ^____^

Anda dijemput beli/tempah kek ni. Gerenti sedap! Bila nak hidang kat tetamu pun, korang akan tersenyum lebar. Resepi kebanggaan Bonda nih!

p/s:
Buat masa ni, kitorang terima tempahan untuk Kek Asam Manis ni je. Sebab Bonda busy nak kerja + beribadah bulan puasa. Cuma anak dara dia ni je yang senang memanjang, dan resepi ni je yang aku terer sebab dah beribu kali berlatih (resepi lain, Bonda tak kasi buat. "Menjahanamkan resepi je kang!" katanya. *sob*sob* Kalau ada kek baru, nanti Cik Melati beritahu, okeh?




***UPDATE: Berikutan dengan kekecohan pasal butter Golden Churn yang disahkan mengandungi DNA babi, Cik Melati kena terangkan dua hal:
 
1) Ini bukan kek lapis Sarawak. Kek lapis Sarawak kan cantik menawan indah berseri. Kek lapis Cik Melati punya ni kan cantik menawan je, tak indah berseri pun...
2) Kek ini tak gunakan butter. Kami gunakan marjerin, sebab Bonda tak suka bau susu kat butter. So kitorang memang le tak guna Golden Churn tu (dengar nama pun tak pernah!)

Jangan menilai seseorang mengikut buah mereka

Sila jangan berfikiran kotor. Aku memang maksudkan buah, as in fruit.

Cerita lucu di bawah ni aku copy paste dari internet (tak payah quote la. Berlambak kat internet). Asalnya bahasa Indon, tapi aku ubah sikit supaya korang faham.

3 orang pemuda datang mendaftar, sorang dari Manado, sorang dari Jawa, sorang dari Papua.

Waktu isi borang, orang Papua lihat orang Manado tulis warna kulitnya : kuning langsat, orang Jawa tulis sawo matang.

Orang Papua bingung, kenapa diorang tulis warna kulit guna nama buah?

Disebabkan bingung, akhirnya orang papua tersebut tulis warna kulitnya dengan :

LADA HITAM

Kakakakakakaka!!! Sila Gelak Kuat2.

Dan gelak sekali lagi kalau korang tak faham kenapa sawo matang dikira buah. Jangan malu nak gelak dua kali, sebab aku pun sama gak pelik.

Tapi bila aku google baru aku tahu apa tu sawo. Tadaaaa~

Sawo = ciku 

Or in English, we call it sapodila (aku baru tau)

So "sawo matang" tu maksudnya ciku yang dah masak (dipendekkan : 'ciku ranum')

Baik kawan2, lepas ni kita jangan cakap "kulit sawo matang" tapi sebut "kulit ciku ranum". Hmmph nampaknya aku kena laporkan hal ni kepada Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka!

p/s: Kulit I berwarna ciku ranum, you!~

Pretty Girls = Drama Queen

best viewed in http: // redmelati .blogspot .com

CikMelati don't know what's there to worry about Industrial Training. I mean, come on, easy measy!

And what confusing me more is what my girl friends worry about:

"What should I wear?"

"Should I wear heels?"

"Do I need to put on makeups?"

"Do I look like a schoolgirl if I don't lilit-lilit tudung?"

LMAO!
Laugh My Armpit Off

It's hard to be a girl. The super self-conscious attitude is in our DNA, so we can't help it!


And for men, you don't have the right to call us silly and ridiculous, coz the judging-the-opposite-sex-by-appearance attitude is in your DNA. So we're even.

LOL!
Lovin' Orange Lollipop

* * * * *

Anyway, a friend said something that makes me want to laugh, coz she meant to praise me but my rotten brain translate it as "somehow offensive":

She said: "I envy how your makeups look natural on you"

My rotten brain translated: "You wear a lot of makeups but to no effect."




Haha.

Cara semak status tajaan MARA

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Baru2 ni CikMelati baru je terjumpa satu page yang sangat cool untuk pelajar di bawah tajaan MARA (yang dapat loan pun dikira 'tajaan' juga ye).

www3.mara.gov.my/ebaki1
(yes, it's "www3", not "www")

Page ni membolehkan korang:

1. Semak status tajaan MARA
2. Semak berapa banyak korang dah berhutang so far
3. Semak jadual bayaran balik (available lepas setahun tamat belajar)
4. Buat mental reminder untuk work hard, lepas tersedar yang hutang korang menambun

In case korang sengal2 bahasa, tak reti camne nak proceed, meh sini CikMelati terangkan. (sila klik kat gambar kalau tak jelas)

1) Buka www3.mara.gov.my/ebaki1

Dia dah kata, "bagi pengguna baru, sila klik di sini". Sila jangan buat2 tak paham bahasa. Klik je situ.

2) Register



3) Ta-daa!~ Korang dah ada page sendiri, camni:

Klik kat no akaun korang tu okeh. And enjoy your new page.

The confession of a broken heart (Letter to dad)

from blog http://redmelati.blogspot.com

I'm so emotional now. It's creepy.

Maybe it's the midnight breeze... and all of the sudden this song played on my player.



Emotionless, by Good Charlotte.



I used to like this song because I originally thought I can relate to the lyrics. Then I heard the part "I miss you", and all of the sudden the song is not in my fave list anymore.

But now that I'm 22, and I've learned that anyone have their own potentials on being jerks no matter how angelic they can look like, I totally approve this song.

I'm imagining I'm sending a letter to my dad exactly like this.

Exactly like this.




*****


Hey dad,
I'm writing to you
Not to tell you that I still hate you
Just to ask you how you feel
and how we fell apart
How this fell apart

Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you think about your son?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we're all right?

But we're all right
We're all right

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok, but we're all right
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now, I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive

The days I spent so cold, so hungry
were full of hate
I was so angry
Those scars run deep inside this tattooed body
There's things I'll take to my grave
But I'm okay
I'm okay

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok, but we're all right
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
Now, I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive
Now, I'm still alive

Sometimes I forgive
Yeah, and this time I'll admit,
that I miss you
said I miss you


******


Ironic, that I used to hate him so much. But now, how I wish he would call, even if that means my scars will bleed again...

Gadis Kesunyian

best viewed in http://redmelati.blogspot.com

Hai!~ Saya sudah kembali!~ Adakah anda semua merindui saya? Betapa terharunya saya jika ada yang menjawab 'ya'. Apabila mengimbau kenangan lama, saya akan menitiskan air mata. Sob.. Sob...


Korang ingat itu sangat...... pelik, korang patut dengar tutur bahasa sorang member aku ni. "Penuh gramatis" bak kata cikgu BM aku waktu zaman aku masih sekolah dulu (ayat orang tua). Tapi, itu cerita lain. Aku tak nak mengumpat. Lupakan.

Now, let's pretend yang semua member aku memang teruja nak tau kenapa aku dah mula berblog balik!

Akhir2 ni aku terasa sangatlah kesunyian. One last lonely girl, bak kata Jastin Bibir (sapa tgk konset dia, sila angkat tangan!~) Mana taknya, aku dah berjauhan dari member2 yang dah aku kenal sejak Foundation dulu.... (jauh la sangat. Sebelah je kot). Nak lepak dengan member baru, bukannya tak mahu, tapi.... aku masih segan dengan diorang...It takes two to tango, tapi aku cuma layan tarian zapin.

One day, a friend (ala2 BFF gitu) tanya: "Mel, pehal tak blog lagi? Dah la Fesbuk tak aktif..." (touching)

Maka, daya imaginasi aku yang tinggi melangit ni pun terperasan bahawa aku ni memang dirindui orang. HUahahahahahahhhahhahahaaaaa~

So aku rasa aku nak blog balik la pasni. So keep peekin on my blog, my frens! Sebab aku mungkin akan update. Yay!





But then again, aku pun slalu kata aku akan aktif Fesbuk & Twitter. Padahalllll.....

Let's box the cat for fun

best viewed in http://redmelati.blogspot.com
Cats can be silly - and that's what makes them cute.

I found this vid after watching one in Yahoo!. And of course, one led to another... But here's my top picks:

The cat who is obsessed with boxes
And thinks that he's small enough to fit in.

The stalking cat
Look carefully, and you'll see how creepy it is.



HILARIOUS!!!

LMAO!

How to Study Effectively

best viewed in http://redmelati.blogspot.com

A friend of mine taught me some tricks on how to learn effectively. The trick has something to do with tuning your brain waves into a relaxing state. And she told me, it really works!

Yea, nice cartoon.
Now, you see, you need A BRAIN to use this method.

What am I saying?

Well, the trick has something to do with entering THE ALPHA STATE before opening up your books to study.

Now, you might want to Google up: "What is Alpha State"

One of the many techniques to enter the Alpha State is to imagine certain numbers while eyes closed and mind not think of anything else (picture them very clearly, not just blurry image in your head), and chant some words of persuading ourselves into relaxation.

So I head off:

3.............."three"

2.............."two"

1.............."one"

Back to 9....... Wait, which 9 should I imagine? 9 the upside-down of 6, or the 9 that I usually write? Ahaaa, interesting fact: 9 in German is "neun" and the way to say it is "noyn". And in French it is called "neuf" as in "nerf", man, French is hard....... WAIT! FOCUS!!!!!

Ok, back to 9.............. "I'm relaxing..."

8.............. "I'm controlling my breathe..."

7........ Aww, why do I picture my own writing on 7? Now it looks like a sword. Wait, no it looks like 1. No, wait, wait.... FOCUS!!!!

7.............."Err, what should I say?"

BLIMEY, THIS IS SOOOOOO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe my brain looks like Homey's:

No way. Just kidding.

Back to the topic. Now, let's see if you can get it right. The method I'm trying to use is actually from this link below:

http://www.mind-energy.net/archives/184-Relaxation-Technique-6-Entering-alpha-state-of-mind-by-yourself.html
The chanting could be anything, up to you. The trick is not to stress yourself up, which I fail with flying colours.

And after some Googles, I found that Alpha State can also be induced using audio. You need to purchase the audios though, search it online. But here's a link of a free online mp3:

http://visualizemeditateheal.com/alpha_state.mp3
But the voice of the man freaks me out, sounds like a rapist trying to hypnotize the victim. Well, maybe I should find a woman's voice instead, later.

And here's some links on meditation, in case you're interested (it is harder, I tell you)

http://www.wethechange.com/how-to-meditate-a-beginners-guide/

http://theconsciouslife.com/how-to-meditate-a-guide-for-beginners.htm

Lastly, just to clear things up, my brain doesn't look like Homey's. According to the mighty internet, it should look like this:

Not like Homey's, it's big!
Why am I so serious?

How to Concert Rate? I mean, 'CONCENTRATE'!

best viewed in http: //redmelati .blogspot .com

It's so hard to concentrate! Not just in study - even when listening to my friends talking, my mind would be half wandering and I'd end up pretending some fake nods. Bullshit! (Now you know why I'm so attentive at listening to you guys. It's because I don't actually listen. Hah!)

And this 3-weeks semester break is taking whatever left in my brain.

I read blogs and when I'm about to comment, I'd have to reread again coz I actually kinda lost of what the posts are about (that's why I don't do bloghopping anymore)

I open Youtube coz I want to watch an Annoying Orange, instead I clicked on fanvids about Tokio Hotel or Kelly Clarkson for hours (Damn the "Recommended for You" column!)

I go to the kitchen to get myself some hot tea, but then I open the fridge and have to wonder for a complete 60 seconds on "why I'm here in the first place?" (lucky my mom don't stock up our fridge with junk food anymore. Otherwise, I'll be reaching them instead)

Is this a sign on Alzheimer's?
Aku dah nak nyanyuk ke???
But my mom said neither she nor my dad got any family history getting Alzheimer's...

Concentrate.... Concentrate....
Might as well do this pose in the toilet. Good for indigestion

Anyway.... Out of boredom, I came across these sites, might help you as well:

http://www.howtodothings.com/education/how-to-concentrate-better

It's kinda helpful, I guess. With that 'tratak', and the yogic technique... and stuff.

http://www.wikihow.com/Concentrate

It ask me to relaz, and free my mind... Well, that sort of thing.



Well, you probably can guess now that I don't actually read them. It's soooo HARDDDD to concentrate reading it. There are too many alphabets. So dizzzyyyyyy.......!!


p/s: Those suffering the same complication as me probably won't read till the end. Or probably skipped all through till the end and only read this footnote. I know I would. And in case you're wondering, I don't even sure what I'm writing - didn't bother to check my writing because that would blank me out!

7 Fakta menarik Pasal Putrajaya (yang lain dari apa yang korang selalu dengar)

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One day, adalah teman ni bertanya, "Aku nak datang Putrajaya ni. Apa best kat sana haa?"

And I bet ramai orang kat luar sana tu pun nak bertanya benda yang sama.

So, biar aku yang dah duduk sini selama enam tahun ni (bongkak siottt) listkan.

1. Putrajaya 'banyak' bangunan menarik

Bangunan2 sini mempunyai ciri kesenian arkitektural yang memukau. Pengunjung dibenarkan masuk ke setiap bangunan, tapi setakat di lobi je la. Kalau degil jugak nak explore, pegi masuk masjid. Ada 2 masjid pulak tu.

2. Putrajaya banyak tempat maksiat

Tasik-tasik indah, taman-taman permai yang menjadi malap bila malam menjelang. Jika anda duduk berdua, jangkakanlah kedatangan "yang ketiga" (setan la)

3. Bila dah bertiga, pasti ada yang keempat, dan kelima, dan keenam...

Banyak tempat maksiat, banyak juga la pihak JAWI datang berkeliaran. Bagi sesiapa yang datang untuk bermaksiat, untung2 dapat bilik percuma. Hah! Duduk balai la bang!

4. Aku kata belok kiri!

"Belok kiri jika tiada kenderaan", kata papan2 tanda di sini. Siapa yang termasuk lorong kiri walaupun anda nak terus, jangan terasa bila kadang2 orang sini hon. Siapa la yang cipta signboard ni? Diorang hingat satu Malaysia ada jalan besar gadang macam kat sini agaknya...


5. Polis sayang kami


Bagi sesiapa yang trauma dengan polis, rasa2 boleh terberak kalau Tok Misai datang tegur, jangan datang sini. Perompak dan peragut pun jangan datang. Polis sini memang rajin meronda. Mana pergi, ada je batang hidung diorang. Kalau korang berhentikan kereta kat tepi jalan pun kadang2 kena soal siasat (aku selalu kena). Yang paling best, polis sini rajin buka buku. Bukan facebook ye, tapi saman. Kalau korang tak baharukan road tax, pastikan ada RM50 dalam poket, kalau tak, tak pasal2 kena RM180 punya saman (selepas diskaun)



6. Hati-hati kepada penipu

Penipu terbesar di sini bukan manusia, tapi papan tanda. Jangan korang percaya papan tanda kat sini. Perjalanan 5 minit anda akan end up jadi 25 minit sebab sesat or ikut jalan jauh. But then again korang ada choice lain ke? Hahaaaa ikut je la... Daripada sesat terus tak jumpa jalan, baik ikut arahan sang penipu ni kan? But for us, kitorang memang dah masak jalan sini, takde hal la....


7. Di Putrajaya ada sebuah universiti.

Private universiti. Namanya UNITEN; kampus Putrajaya. Padahal terletak di Bangi, atau lebih tepat lagi Jalan Kajang-Puchong. Turut tersenarai dalam senarai universiti2 Cyberjaya. Amboi, tamak sungguh universiti ni. Semua nama tempat pun dia nak bolot.

Petua: Orang Tua Kata "No, Don Du Det!" **

best viewed in http: // redmelati .blogspot .com

Orang Melayu memang banyak sangat2 pantang larang. Dibesarkan dalam keluarga Melayu (walaupun my bonda orang Jawa, still, sama la tu!), boleh dikatakan hampir semua pantang-larang kat Tanah Melayu ni aku dapat hafal.

Ini ukiran Orang Tua.
Found in Google.
Isk, meremang bulu roma aku tengok gambar ni!

Not that I believe in any of them pantang2. I mean, first of all, syubahah kalau percaya (or is it syirik?). Contoh pantang: kalau anak dara nyanyi kat dapur, nanti kahwin dengan orang tua. Ngeh. Kalau macam tu, semua anak dara zaman sekarang akan kahwin dengan orang tualah. Sekarang ni kan tengah ada wabak Selesema Bibir (Bieber Fever), sah2 la anak2 gadis sunti bawah umur tu semua ada habit nyanyi kat dapur (walaupun diorang tak masak, cuma masuk dapur untuk cari makan).

Pembawa virus Selesema Bibir
Kalau anak gadis kawin orang tua, boleh salahkan dia
Alamak, aku edit gambar style Perez Hilton la pulak

Ok, cukup la mukadimah aku.

Topik ni aku bangkitkan sebab aku baru langgar DUA pantang-larang. Of all things, mak aku saaaangat la tak kasi aku buat DUA perkara ni, but still aku buat gak:

1. Potong rambut sendiri (jimat wooo~)
   
2. Potong hujung seluar yang dah pernah guna (konon la terer sangat nak alter seluar)

Aku tak taulah ni Melayu punya hal, or Jawa, or Minang, or Bugis ke. Tapi, mengikut pantang, kalau buat salah satu dari dua perkara ni, maknanya orang tu potong limpah rezeki sendiri. Nanti, nasib malang pula yang datang menimpa dia .

Not that I believe in such ridiculous beliefs, but still.... Err....

REZEKI AKU DAH TERPOTONG DAH KE NI?

Mungkin aku patut pergi mandi bunga.

Jom pergi spa!

Isk, apa aku pikir ni? Astaghfirullah al-Azim...

**Orang tua kata: "No, don't do that!"

Misguided Fish

Read this at my blog. The font there explains better http: // redmelati .blogspot .com

This is a song done by me. Honest, no cheating! And I want to sing this specially for _____ (fill in the blanks with your grandpa's name, just for fun). Also, the footnotes explains everything. Touchy. So touchy...

I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try to follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run from them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just
Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles

Voice: Hey, you didn't write this! Paramore did! Or maybe Hayley, whatever.

Melati: Hey, I said I DID this! I mean, the typing, the copy-and-pasting. I didn't say I compose it. Pfftt.. You've got it wrong dude, not my mistake.



Anyway, today's the 21st. And the day before yesterday was 19th - the Paramore Concert Live in Malaysia **read it with an advert-like voice**.


Dunno how was the concert going, didn't bother to ask anyone or google about it. After all the days of waiting is finally over, I am now feeling relieved.

Coz after this no more facebook status saying "Awww can't wait!!! 3 days more!!!"

No more bragging like "Can't believe my dad's cool about me skipping classes for Paramore"

No more rantings like "Ouch, eating Maggi coz I'm broke. But it's cool, coz I have my Paramore tickets!"

**Yeah, I'm talking about you, braggers!**

Some of the braggers are my friends, sadly. The kind of friends who used to hang out with me, menyibuk2 at my page, or leave a comment/messages, or texting me despite knowing I barely reply them. But recently, none of these people even bother to text me anymore, or call me or even leave a single word in my Facebook anymore (nak ajak tengok wayang apatah lagi) just because I don't have the same tickets. All I have are illegal downloads via Torrent and a single ticket watching me singing Paramore in the toilet.

**Yeah, my eyebag is staring fiercely at you**
Whoever yang terasa macam pernah ketepikan kawan sebab Paramore concert

Well, these people might as well have erased me from their facebook friends list. Or maybe they have completely forgot about me.

Huh? Melly? Sape tu?

Huh, who? Red Muh-Latty?

dah tak gheti nak sebut Red Melati macam orang Melayu pulak dah... Mentang2 dengar konset omputeh!

Right now, you must be thinking that you're cooler than me. You might as well wanna wear this button:
Fine. Whatever. I'm just a humble person who never brags of my kindness and coolness.

Touchy... I'm so touchy this week...

Dari seorang pompuan kepada dua perempuan

best viewed in http: // redmelati .blogspot .com

Sayang2ku
Maafkan daku kerana membuatkan kalian ternganga semalam
Terkejut plus takut2 bila daku meradang umpama taufan
yang marah serta jerit2 macam pompuan sawan bila dapat tau laki dia pasang lain
Daku tau hati wanita kalian tersentuh
Maaf, daku tak berniat nak naik syeikh
Mungkin daku terlalu banyak tengok TV3
Membuatkan daku berlagak macam drama queen
Siap tulis ayat2 busuk kat Facebook

Tapi kalian takleh salahkan daku kalo kalian touching
Sebab daku dgn segala hormatnya nak letakkan kesalahan kat pihak2 yang berikut:

1. Pihak ketiga yang merosakkan dara kekasih-kekasih kalian dan Baby daku
2. Lecturer yang menyuruh daku karang surat cinta romantik untuknya
3. Bontot ayam yang bercinta dengan permata daku
4. Perjalanan hidup daku yang dipenuhi ranjau dan onak duri, umpama drama Indon
5. Bini daku tinggalkan daku untuk lelaki lain

***Hal sebenar:***

1. Virus yang crashed komputer/HDD korang dan thumbdrive aku
2. Project Assignment yang kena hantar tersimpan di dalam thumbdrive aku tu
3. Ketumbit di mata agak sakit dan merimaskan, membuatkan aku cepat naik angin
   
4. Stress pasal final exam je sebenarnya
5. Roomate (CikBungaRaya) gi keluar study, so bosan takde orang aku boleh kacau2

Ngeh.

So, senang citer, aku ni tak bersalah la kan? So, aku innocent? So aku tak payah mintak maaf la kan????

Logik2! Oh yeah bebeh!~

The culprit
They think they're cooler than me
I'm innocent

.


Tak… Tak… Daku gurau je. Daku mau mintak maaf. Daku bodoh. Daku bangang. Daku semberono (sila buka kamus). Daku emosi. Daku kebudak-budakan.

Wuuuuu……. Daku tengah sedih ni. Nak study pun tak lalu. Teringat muka korang yang terkejut macam kera tersedak chewing gum bila nampak daku tiba2 munculkan muka dengan muka ceria (bila dah figure out camne nak retrieve data tu semua) membuatkan daku loya2 macam sedang berbadan dua. Wuuuuu…… Walaupun korang kata korang cool je, tapi…. Maafkan dakuuuuu!~~~~

Fun(k) Facts about Stye (ketumbit)

best viewed in http: // redmelati .blogspot .com
I have stye on my eye and I feel so special coz nobody else got it~

Having this great buddy making love with my eyelid for several days already really makes me learned a lot. And all these are the never-before-written facts about having a stye:

FunkFact #1

Stye makes your eye looks like chicken’s butt. No, seriously. The swollen flabby-looking eyelid is pinkish, and the eyelashes looks like unplucked feathers from a chicken’s butt sold in night market.

Check out this chic! (I mean, the stye, though it’s not so clear):

This is not the pic of Rihanna. This is Megi Fox, her plastic surgeon mistakenly injected silicon on the eye instead of the lips, that's why she's upset.

FunkFact #2

Everytime you check your uninfected eye in the mirror, you realize: “wow, this eye is sooooo pretty! Why didn’t I realize it before? With this eye, I could charm any cool guy out there!” But then you realize that your eye looks so pretty because it’s been compared to the ugly styed-eye. Yeah, sit next to ugly people, and you’ll look prettier. Come, sit next to me, you'll feel so lucky.

FunkFact #3

The slimy thing you collect from your nose-picking (tahi hidung la!) cannot cure your stye. Goose, whoever started this myth must have been a smartass PKR politician – spread brainless rumors but still people believed it. And the idiots who believed this were probably------ err, nevermind, coz I was one of the idiots too when I was a kid. But I you were too, right? You did believed it, right? Right? Ahaa, don’t deny it!

No, mister. Don't pick your nose for my stye. It won't disgustingly work.

FunkFact #4

Pharmacies usually will provide you with creams to fight conjunctival infection (infection on the outer layer of the eyeball), and they will smack you hard if you try to mention: “it’s my eyelid, not my eyeball!”. Truth is, they are unable to give out antibiotics because only certified pharmacist are allowed to do so; And the fact that they only give you shitty creams are because the shop owner is too poor to hire a pharmacist, or the pharmacist are probably slacking off doing the chicken dance elsewhere.

Is this guy a pharmacist?

FunkFact #5

Private clinic charge you RM30++ for stye medicine. If you're broke, like me, there goes 5 times your lunch money. General clinics charge you nothing, but the medicines have the powerful ability to give you no good effect.

FunkFack #6

By going to clinics, you are hereby agreed to be treated as a brainless mammals. Because it is a common practice for a doctor to wisely tell you their default comments setting:

"It seems like you have a -----insert the non-scientific name of the illness here-----".

Wiser doctors will also add this default genius sentences:

“Don’t worry. The ----insert the name again------ won’t kill you”
or this: “does it hurt?”.

Yeah, years in medical school only taught them little things…

Stating the obvious - the adventure of being in a commuter in Malaysia

best viewed in http: // redmelati .blogspot .com
I promised myself that I'm gonna blog about this because I think it's funny. pfft!

[chorus] In case you're a stuck up rich brat that had never been in a public transport before (no with offense), let me tell you:

PUBLIC TRANSPORTS SUCK!

I guess everyone already know that. It's as though they have this kind of plate number:

You know, it's like a common sense in this world that everything which has the word "public" should never be public-friendly. No, seriously. Have you ever experience a public toilet that rubs your arse softly? ** Okeh, bad joke! (-___-") **

But I somehow stupidly forgot this common sense, and rushed to KTM with this favorite phrase in my head: "How bad can it be?" And it was a Friday noon. Peak hour. Well, pardon me, but it's been more than half a year since I last use a public transportation.

And in case you're a tourist or *insert [chorus] here*:

KTM SUCKS!

And yeah, I suffered.

But look at the silver lining. At least I have something to blog about!

Ok, part 1 done. Next time, I continue to what happened next. (talking shit promise again. No, I'm serious. Pinky reddy greeny promise!)

Kepercayaan Melayu: Puyu, untuk halau hantu.

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The only pet that my family have is ONE fish. Ikan puyu, to be exact, or scientifically, it's anabas testudineus (yeah, I just googled. Hey, quite a name he has, testudineus? i hope it's not an obscene word *smirk*)

JFYI, this fella, currently name Babuyu (before this, his name was Amanda, Puyuyu, Miyuu, and... I dunno. He change his name quite a few times) He likes to act cool, and only gets excited when my mom feeds him. But beware if he's startled, coz he will suddenly swim frantically like the world's gonna ends! Like this:

It's so hard to take pic of him when he frantically swim around like this. Thank goodness my phone camera got BestPic features.

And recently, I dunno what he eats that makes him go this way, but he go frantic more frequently nowadays. It's worrying me, since I think there's nothing around that can startled him. But then I realized....

He only go crazy when I'm around him.
He never act this way when it's other people.
Yeah, I'm the source of his shocks.

WTFish????

Am I that oogglay (ugly) that I make him startled everytime I show my face????

Fishy, I'm gonna kill you!!!!

Oh wait. That's a sin! How about this: I'm gonna convince my mom to have a cat in the house, so that when the cat eats him, I can get rid of him without having to have my hands dirty.

Yeah, how about that, you fisho???

And anyway, your name is soooo not cool. I mean, Babuyu??? Are you gay, fish???

p/s: I named him everytime. Serve him right. Hah! And regarding the title, no, puyu tak halau hantu pun. Dialah hantunya kat sini!

CamWHORE

best viewed in http: // redmelati .blogspot .com

No update for weeks, and suddenly I reappear macam diri bagosss sangat. Ngeheeeeee….

So, this morning in Fly.fm (or was it Hitz.fm?) the topic was:

What kind of picture would you put (on Facebook, Twitter, etc) to represent yourself

(The topic was brought up coz one of the DJ got conned on meeting some “hot” chick which turned out that she only hawt coz the camera is superbly taken)

So... my pix (let’s pretend like you guys really eager to know this)

Awwwwww so cute!~

Hmmm...... *Sigh~*

That’s why I never liked updating picture in my Facebook. If the pic suddenly turn out pretty, then I’m a faker. If the pix won’t look nice, I’ll look stupid. My friends will have to threaten to kill me to make me update me pic (actually, what they want was THEIR pic, which happen to be from MY camera and have MY face in it, sadly).

And even if I voluntarily change my proflle pic, my pic usually:

• Have only HALF or a quarter of my face only, OR
• My reflection in the mirror in some unknown toilet (no, not during berak), OR
• Will not be my face, but maybe my toe, or my ring, etc (don’t worry. There never were a pic of my teeth. Haha… *munch munch*), OR
• My FULL picture making a FOOL of myself (like, maybe, the pic when I pick my nose *ewwww*)
  

See? I may not be the most honest person in Facebook, but at least I didn’t lie. I’m not a looker (“ugly” is a harsh word ^__^), but hey, I’m not trying to look cool in the net. Yayyy für mich!

But then again, the majority of my Facebook friends are REAL (not just some blokes I met on *cough* YM chatroom *cough*) so nevermind the picx lah. But if I post some HAWT pix on me, rest asssured that they’ll be like “Wehhhhhh sejak bila ko jadi chanteq?” *Sampai hati~*

To prove it, here's my current pic:
Err... I might have tilted the camera a little bit so that I turned nicer. Heheee (-_-")

Boling Tampin. Boling Seremban ada tak?

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Alang2 semalam Kelab Boling buat 10-pin Bowling Tournament, jadi cerita kita kali ni adalah berkenaan "BOLING".

AMARAN: cerita ini berdasarkan dialog sebenar, dan berunsur 18PB (Untuk tontonan yang pernah main Boling). Sape yang takde basic langsung pasal boling (mungkin anda berasal dari abad ke-18), tak payah baca.

Tersebutlah kisah, di Negeri PutraBerjaya, Istana AlamLandak telah membuka sebuah Pusat Boling untuk rakyat jelata. Maka, setiap sekolah di area tu dengan seronotnya menubuhkan Kelab Boling masing2. Pelajar2nya pula, dengan bataknya, bukan main ramai lagi yang join kelab tu.

Kemudian, pada suatu hari, Cik Dugong datang berenang-renang ke kelas sambil tangannya menayangkan sehelai poster ke Cik Ikan yang juga ahli Kelab Boling.

Perlawanan Boling Tempin

Dan berikut adalah dialog yang berlaku antara CIk Dugong dan CIk Ikan.

Babak #1

Cik Ikan: (tanpa membaca keterangan poster) Kau pergi sendiri? Sekolah tak hantar?
Dugong : Tak la. Gedik gila kalau nak kena hantar. Bukan jauh pun.
Cik Ikan: Gila kedekut sekolah! Jauh kot Tampin tu! Kat Negeri Sembilan kan?

Babak #2 (sambungan)
Cik Ikan: Ooo... Tempin tu nama game... Tempin tu apa?
Dugong: Tenpin sebenarnya. Diorang kadang2 eja camtu.
Cik Ikan: Ooooo... Boling tenpin. Apa beza boling tenpin dengan boling biasa?

Babak #3 (sambungan lagi)
Cik Ikan: La... 10 pin... Apa la diorang ni. Alang2 dah guna BM, tulis la "Boling Sepuluh Pin!"
Dugong: (gelak)
Cik Ikan: Main boling ada guna pin ke? Tak nampak pun korang guna pin!

Waktu ni, Dugong dah tak reti nak cakap apa dah. Rasa tak percaya Cik Ikan sebengap itu, walaupun Cik Ikan sebenarnya ahli kelab boling.

Abang2 cool yang suka main bola boling.

p/s:
.ut utkaw ej ilug niam iter uka, taub helb apA ...ahaH. ut nakI kiC al uka, uat kan ualaK